i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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