omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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