I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
