you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
