you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
