Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
