I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
