He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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