I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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