I should be sponsored by Trojan
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We need to get me chipped asap
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
