I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm both gender and math confused
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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