He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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