Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
