He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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