My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
