I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
