i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
