I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
