your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
