So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
