Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
