now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
just found out that she named her cat after me.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
