So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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