Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i've created a new STD.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
