its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
