and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
