We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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