I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Who died my cat blue again?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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