Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
