You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
