Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
