Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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