He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My bed smells like the plague
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
