woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
