Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
