did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
