I wanna passion pit in your ass
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
