i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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