There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
