You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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