Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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