I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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