We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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