I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
