i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
