he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
