i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
