dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Randomize
