We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
