if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
