I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
